Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Relationships...Easy or Hard??

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships.
Why they fall apart?
Why it works for some and not others.

My hubby and I haven't always had an amazing marriage. We both have our faults. We both can get on each others nerves and we've both made near fatal (to our marriage) mistakes.

I'm in no means an expert but I was thinking of some of the things that hubby and I do that has repaired our marriage and made it stronger than ever.

So without further ado here is a list of 10 things I think help and strengthen a marriage.

1. We chose to be together.
Back when our kids were small and I thought that I truly needed him it was rough. For both of us. I was to demanding and needy and he counteracted by distancing himself.
When we found out we could do it ourselves but we didn't want to it made a huge shift for the positive in our marriage.

2. Support each other.
Support each others choices. Even if sometimes it is not what you would chose. This has been true for us. For example my hubby is not a Christian yet he supports the fact that I go to church and bring up our children in that environment. Although I am sad that he chooses not to go with us, I know God has HIS hand in this. All in HIS timing.

3. Take interest in each others activities.
This doesn't mean that you have to all the sudden start loving sports because hubby likes it or he has to come scrapbooking with you. It does mean however is ask him how his team is doing or sit and watch the odd game with him. He will reciprocate. My hubby always wants to see the scrapbooks after a weekend of doing it.
Plus you have the added bonus of perhaps finding and falling in love with something you never thought you would like before. Hubby got me into both snowmobiling and quading. Both which I love and thoroughly enjoy doing with him.

4. Be kind to each other.
This made seem obvious, but its not. Just think about he comes home from a hard day at work, you had something bad happen to you disputing the day which put you in a bad mood as well, he does something that drives you crazy and you snark at him, soon he is snarling back and the next thing you know you are in a full blown fight about something silly.
As bad as your mood might be, remember he loves you and wants to comfort you. Sometimes just sitting on the couch side by side holding hands watching tv can perk up both your moods.

5. Don't let others relationships affect your own.
This was a biggie for hubby and I. We used to do this a lot. When friends were having problems in their marriages and talk to us we would sometimes bounce things off of each other.  However the danger was when we took it to personally. It was their marriage that was having problems not ours. We would get into huge fights about their issues.
After we realized what we were doing,it was much easier to help others because we weren't damaging our relationship in the process.

6. Write silly love notes to your hubby.
When I started this I truly just wanted to let my hubby know how much I loved him and much I appreciated all he was doing for our family. I emailed it to hi one evening and the next morning he phoned me to tell me how much he loved the note.
Now frequently we send notes to each other. There is nothing so awesome about opening up an email from your hubby with him telling you why he loves you.

7. Have physical contact.
I don't mean simply s e x. (Although that helps too. 😉). I'm talking about holding hands. Coming up behind him and giving him a hug. Rub his back when your walking together. Simply just touch.
It amazing what touching your husband will do for your mood, your relationship, your conversations, your marriage.

8. Don't forget that he is important.
For me he comes right after God.
That wasn't always so and that is one of my near fatal mistakes. I was putting him down around the bottom. I mean I get it. The kids are busy demanding 1000% of your time and energy and what's left the house is screaming for or your job is needing you. However He needs to know he's important to you too. Great him at the door when he comes home. Stop what your doing and hug him. Try and occasionally be cleaned up special for him, that means out of your work clothes (whether its jammies or...) and into clothes he likes.
I promise or will mean a lot to him.

9. Forgive
Forgiveness is a two way street. If he had never forgiven me for my stupid mistakes we would not be married right now and vice versa.
This includes remembering to let go of past fights. Do you really want something a mistake you made up every  time you fight for 2 years? Let it go.
This is not always easy by any means. Sometimes it's really hard and takes some time, but its so important to do.
After all if Jesus could forgive us knowing ALL our sins then why can't we do the same for one another.

10. Look past the little faults.
I know that there may be what we think are many of these. He snores, he farts, he watches the game ALL THE TIME, he, he, he...
But what about our own faults. Some of mine are the house always isn't that clean, I tend to stay up in bed reading or playing a game on my iPad and the light drives him insane, I get grumpy, I, I, I...
See what I mean.  He loves me, all of me. He doesn't let the fact that I do these things ruin us, why would I??

I am linking up with Angie today. Come join me and read some other Top 10 posts.


  1. EXCELLENT LIST!!! Simple, straight forward, honest in their challenges, but all necessary for a good marriage. And a marriage can be redeemed and strengthened after a long dormant period. Good post :-)

  2. Awesome list! I really love this.

    Our society makes it seem to easy to just walk away when things are less than perfect. I especially love the item that is simply "we choose to be together." Love it!

    Thanks for coming to link up to Top Ten Tuesday!

    1. Awe thank you Angie!!
      For us making the choice was the best thing ever. It's a choice that we make constantly.