Wow it has been a while since I did one of these posts.
As I said yesterday I was feeling pretty melancholy. The rather funny part about today is my oldest son came and talked to me for a little over an hour. Mostly about his life and what is happening. I guess I am still needed in some way. :)
Anyway I decided today to go and take a walk and try and capture the beautiful snow fall that we had yesterday.
Please forgive me I am not a photographer.
Anyway as I was out and about I was thinking about my walk lately. How Jesus is transforming my life. He is bringing people into that He knows that I need during this time.
That got me to thinking again if what I was doing was enough.
Yesterday my cyper friend Lynette wrote this post, and it really had the wheels churning in my head. For many many years I thought that I was not good enough, that I wasn't living, breathing, understanding the word as so many of my Christian friends were.
I was not doing it all. I was not the perfect Mom, far from the perfect wife, and even farther from the perfect Christian. I wanted to make fabulous homemade meals every night. (ok if my husband is reading this he is rolling over laughing right now. Cooking is far from my strong suit. )
I wanted to never get angry, always have patience galore. (Now if my children are reading this they are rolling over in laughter).
I always wanted to attend church as a family every Sunday. I wanted what I thought was the perfect life.
Then I woke up. I have a great life. A life God has blessed me with. It hasn't been easy and I know we still have many road bumps along the way but HE is letting me see that I am special. I am worthy, I am His!!
I still fail. Daily I still fail. I often lose my patience. I am so not fond of making suppers so I tend to cheat a little there. I like my sleep so I am not an early riser. However now when I do rise, before my daughter I spend that time with the Lord. We have our time before the world starts.
It amazes me how much I need it. How much I was missing out on.
This week Monday I failed big time. I knew starting my day that I was not in the right frame of mind. I had had a bad dream (one that I can't remember) and the feeling was staying with me. I thought for a moment about asking for prayer and then decided against it. I thought I could do this, I could conquer this on my own. Boy did God teach me a lesson that day. I just got angrier and angrier. I swore, I lost my patience numerous times, I was to wrapped up in my feelings and emotions to realize exactly what was happening around me. In the evening I broke. I realized what was happening. I prayed.
This week has been a week of challenges. Emotion and spiritual challenges. I know that no matter what is happening in my life I need to turn to Him. I need to lean on Him and not think that I can do this on my own. I am far from perfect. I am a sinner. I fall short regularly. But I am HIS. He loves me no matter what. He made me perfect for me. Even when I act sometimes like a spoiled brat He is still there holding me and loving me.
For that I must thank HIM!!
I am linking up today with Mary Beth.