Sunday, 17 July 2011

If God came tomorrow would you be embarrased?

This was the question our pastor asked us at church today. For me that was a very hard hit, the realization that yes I would be. Although I am a Christian, I have fallen far off by the wayside. I want to walk closer with God but am having very deep struggles from within. I am working on improving my relationship with him.
Our Pastor also asked us if we were fellowshiping. That if we were not to look around us at our friends and see if all of our friends were Christian and if they were we needed to expand our network of friends and find some that needed salvation. When I thought about it I realized that most of my friends are non Christians. So then I thought am I spreading the word enough and sadly realized that I am not. Although I think it is fantastic to expand our network I also believe that we also need a good support system and although I very much rely on God, it is also nice to have friends that have common goals and interests. I guess now I realise the reason I have been so lonely.

Soooo how do I go about changing that???

I am very shy. Although people that know me well do not believe that statement. I have a terrible hard time talking to someone that I am not overly close with. On the computer yes, via text yes, but face to face no. I am terribly scared of rejection. I want people to like me and I am totally scared about throwing myself out there and seeing their reactions. I am trying hard to work on that as I believe that is essential to do but oh so very hard. If people come up and talk to me I am better but still have a hard time but working also on that. I use my husband and my children as crutches. This way they can talk to them and take the focus off of me.

Well I guess the first step is knowing that right? LOL

No comments:

Post a comment